Funeral and Flowers
by lacramiora
Summary: He really hoped he could forgive him for comitting murder. BxT implied BxM


**Gasp, I haven't done a GITS fanfic in ages! I like this one-shot, I'm quite proud of myself. : Odd that I have it in Batou's perspective. Hopefully I didn't fail on his character too much. I hope you all enjoy. And pleaaase review or else I'll be unhappy. :**

** Funeral For a Friend**

The clouds were menacing over head as he stood at the edge of the opening where the casket lay in the ground. The Major was standing beside him, her visage the countenance of sadness. He was sure if she still had the ability of tears she would be crying. It was unlike the Major to show such emotions but then again they were both guilty of murder. Batou continued to stare down at the casket trying to drown out the sounds of the sobbing ex-wife and children. He was trying to rid the noise of the kind words being offered to the deceased and most of all trying to rid himself of any and all thoughts in his own head. Soon enough there was quiet but not because he had successfully blocked out the noise. Time didn't seem to feel the same way it used to. He had been standing there for hours staring down at the black casket. He felt the comforting touch of the Major's hand as she left from the burial site. He turned to face her retreating form. Retreating from the guilt and blame of the deceased. Batou stayed though. He couldn't help but stay. He dropped himself into the hole and opened the casket. The only word he could think of was angelic. Because that was the way he looked now, eyes closed and face as white as marble. He leaned down pressing his lips to the cold pair of the other man, kissing him even though the gesture couldn't be returned.

"_Togusa"_

He breathed the name onto his lips and lifted his head, pulling the casket closed once more and heaving himself back up onto the grass six feet above. Droplets of rain were starting to come down and he looked up at the sky as lightning careened down to Earth somewhere beyond. When it rained, it poured and there was no difference now. He was soaked within seconds. The ground beneath him became soft and he could hear his boots make squelching sounds in the now forming mud as he walked away. If he could cry, he would have been sobbing. That was something Batou could never say he would do, but now at this very moment he could not feel any other way. He was angry with himself for having done this to his friend, his lover. As he walked towards his car he sighed. Opening the door he felt nostalgia hit him. Togusa sitting beside him in the passengers seat with that smile that said he was comfortable with the entire ordeal. But everything had not been fine. Everything had been falling apart and Togusa had been keeping up his mask in order not to crack under the increasing pressure. But even Togusa had his limits. For nearly six months he had kept up with everything from beginning to end until he could no longer keep it within himself. Batou took one last withering glance at the grave site before starting the car and heading home. A home where only the cold emptiness waited for him.

"_I think there's something wrong with the Little Guy I just can't place it."_

"_Why don't you go ask him yourself?"_

_Batou did as the Major recommended, heading towards Togusa's own office with his trademark swagger. The frown on his face was not so much in anger but just a part of him he couldn't quite erase. As he entered the small office where Togusa did most of his paper work he found the brunet asleep at his desk. There had been no mistaking the exhaustion reflected earlier in Togusa's facial features. Batou made his way over to the hunched young man and as gently as he could tried to wake the brunet. Slowly Togusa lifted his head from the desk and blinked blearily at Batou. An apologetic smile overtook his features._

"_I guess I'm more tired than I thought."_

_Batou arched a brow. "Yeah, you need to get some sleep, what's with you lately?"_

"_I've been working really hard on this case lately, that's all."_

"_Yeah, that's what worries me. You haven't tried this hard since the Laughing Man Case."_

_Togusa's smile faltered and collapsed. He sighed running a hand down his tired face and he rubbed his neck. Staring at the spot on his desk for a few moments, Togusa began speaking. His voice was oddly flat and devoid of emotion. It was strange to hear it coming from Togusa's mouth._

"_We've settled on a divorce." He started simply, his shoulders moving in a shrug. "We both agree that this is just not working out. Not only because I found out about her affair but because I'm in love with someone else. We can't work things out this way so its better to just end it."_

_Batou didn't know what to say and so he said nothing, merely nodding a little in confirmation that he had heard everything. Batou himself had never had a real family and the only person he had ever loved was the Major and even that was starting to fizzle out. _

"_I never thought it would end this way." Togusa's gold eyes reached Batou's face momentarily before he looked away and back to the papers on his desk. The younger male began packing away all the documents in their respective files. _

"_Do you have a place to stay after this is all settled?"_

"_Yeah, I rented an apartment about a week ago." Togusa arched a brow. "Why?"_

"_Just checking. Don't want to see you out in the street looking even more pathetic." _

_Togusa snorted as he stood but there was no humor there. He just seemed dead in the eyes of Batou and somehow he wished he could take that away from him. But it was not his place and he watched as Togusa left the building._

Batou swore as he entered his home, almost clumsily tripping over his hound dog. The lazy pooch had positioned himself against the door. His grim expression lay on the dog for a few moments until he continued on into the living room. He stripped himself free of the wet jacket and changed into something much more dry. He kept his mind as blank as possible, turning on the stereo, television and anything else that could make noise. He was trying to drown out his voice, the words he said that only he would remember. The words he would never hear again. Batou sat on his couch in the middle of the raucous of noise. He couldn't stop thinking about Togusa and the noise was not helping in the least. Finally he shut off everything, even the lights and sat there in total silence, wallowing in his own grief.

"_Hey Big Guy." A bright smile lightened up Togusa's features as he entered the building. As usual Batou greeted him with a gruff grunt. The older man was watching Togusa with a frown as he walked in. There was nothing unusual about the entire exchange so it was quiet for a good five minutes._

"_Does the Major have any leads?" _

"_Not a clue. She hasn't sent in anything yet. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her."_

"_That's not like the Major at all." Togusa shrugged slightly and headed past Batou. "Well I guess I'll go check with the others."_

It was the case that had started everything. It all went back to the case. Togusa had a soft spot for children, Batou assumed. It had seemed the most logical reasoning at the time. He himself had kids after all. The cyborg just couldn't fit it all together. The puzzle was missing something because the pieces were not connecting. Beneath the charade that they had all begun to play was an imaginary love triangle. Really Batou had no idea where it had come from. Maybe it was because he had never really let go of the Major and he **knew** that was partly the reason. It had been a one time thing that he would never mention again. He would never think about again. Because he and the Major had committed murder and the dead body lying in a casket in the middle of the rain was there to testify. There had been no trial and there never would be. Only in Batou's mind did the two of them stand in court and plead guilty to the murder of one Togusa.

"_They have children working for them?" Togusa's voice was incredulous as he said this, a look of outright surprise on his face. "That's disgusting!"_

_The rest of Section 9 nodded in affirmation of Togusa's outburst. Aramaki was silent for a few moments before he continued briefing them all on the case. _

"_It is an elite ring of hackers who are trying to smuggle money from the government and overthrow the Prime Minister. Their goal is to lead an uprising from the poor in Yotsuba. Their use for the children is to hack into files of the government. These children have certain mental problems due to a malfunction in their cyber brain. I'm sure you remember a similar situation while conducting the Laughing Man case, am I correct Togusa?"_

"_Yes sir."_

"_We have on file the man leading this terrorist organization. He goes by the name of Yutou Mikawa. He is fully cybernetic yet he changes models every few weeks."_

"_How do his followers keep up with him then?" Togusa's inquiry was quieter than usual._

"_We aren't fully aware of that yet. But the theory is that he may contact them and does not reveal his face." Aramaki concluded the briefing. "Now Batou, you go with Togusa to check the Kanto slums to find any radical developments. Major go to the last place Mikawa may have changed bodies. Pazu check with any of your sources and find out what they know. Ishikawa and Borma find out if there any symbols that may give us lead in the investigation. And Saito set up a perimeter around the Prime Ministers current location, I must go there immediately with the information."_

_Togusa followed Batou down the hall towards his car and silently entered the vehicle upon arrival._

"_So it's just you and me now, huh, Little Guy?"_

_Togusa nodded in affirmation but didn't take his eyes off the walls of the parking lot. He leaned his head against the window of the car and stood silent, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Batou glanced at him from time to time as they drove and vaguely wondered if they should start this investigation in the morning instead of now. _

"_Headache?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_You want to start this now or begin tomorrow? I'm sure the chief will understand if you're not feeling well." Batou couldn't hide a smirk._

"_No." The tone was sharp. "I'm alright."_

_Batou was slightly taken aback. He turned his eyes back on the stretch of road. Another glance at Togusa and the younger man was leaning his head back in obvious discomfort. Batou gave an audible sigh._

"_Batou…I just can't go home." Togusa's voice sounded so broken. It caught Batou by surprise. "But I'm not sure I can do this right now."_

_Batou frowned a little. "You could come to my place. I don't mind."_

_Togusa shook his head. "No. I have to face this sometime…" _

_It looked as though he were going to say more, like he was going to shed some light on what the fuck he was talking about but he didn't. Batou had to fill in the blanks himself, thinking back to fragmented phone calls he had overheard. Quiet arguments, muffled by a door and the almost sound of sobbing. Whatever it was, the sensitive young man beside him was nearly at his limit. _

_Finally he spoke up. His eyes were on Batou and probably had seen the confusion that the older man had tried to erase. "She…she's having an affair. I found them in the room." His hand gripped the doors arm rest till his knuckles turned white. "But it's alright. I'm not in love with her. Not the way I used to be."_

_Batou was slightly puzzled at the statement and dropped off Togusa a few minutes later to fight his demons. On his way back to his own apartment, Batou was contacted by the Chief and asked what had happened. Batou gave a very convincing lie which the Chief took with more than a little annoyance._

That had been the first time Togusa mentioned the affair. Little by little, Batou had been given parts of the bigger picture until finally he had understood. It had begun at that point. There had been no Major to mess up the situation. It had only been the two of them. That was until Batou screwed it up and did the exact same thing Togusa's wife had done. Only this had hurt ten times more than hers ever would. Batou stood up from the couch and went into his bedroom. The dog lifted his saggy head to look up at him but didn't move. He locked the door, not bothering to let the dog in. Batou wanted to be alone. The light was off and he didn't turn it on. He simple stripped himself to his boxers and dropped onto his soft bed. His bed was cold, empty and without him. The familiar heat that had resided beside him was vacant. Batou stood and opened the door, beckoning the dog to come to him. The hound slowly walked to the dark room and Batou picked him up to fill the empty space. The dog got close to him and even though he wasn't Togusa, he was something comforting.

"_You don't use this bed much, do you?"_

_Togusa had eventually decided to stay a night with Batou if only to escape his wife for a few solitary hours besides work. His kids would be unhappy about it but they would learn to live with their parents being just friends. Because Togusa was just Machiko's friend now…they had been able to end it without argument. They both knew it had been coming for a long time. Even before the affair. _

"_Nope." _

_Batou's negative came with a smirk and Togusa returned it with a shake of his head. Leaving Batou's room, Togusa went into the living room with the older man and sat down next to him on the couch. _

"_So what do you normally do when you're here?" Togusa's question gave him a grin._

"_Why?" Batou turned fully to face him, "You gonna make some adjustments?"_

_Togusa shook his head, "Of course not! It's just out of curiosity."_

"_Curiosity?" Batou blinked, "What do you think I do? Sit here alone in the dark?"_

_There was a laugh from the both of them. Togusa shaking his head and Batou incredulous. He turned on the television after a moment turning it to the news and Togusa snorted._

"_What?!" Batou groaned, "Am I boring you, Togusa?"_

"_No." Togusa smirked. "I just knew you couldn't get away from work."_

_Batou gave him a shocked look, mocking in very way, "That wasn't nice"_

"_Who said I was nice?" at this Togusa frowned just slightly and lapsed into silence. It took a while for him to finally turn to Batou and when he did, the younger man looked confused and unsure. Batou had been entirely baffled with what the younger man was planning. But the look on Togusa's face made him do something he had never actually thought of doing before. He crashed his lips against Togusa in his usual tough manner, eliciting a soft gasp from the human. Togusa recovered quite quickly and returned it, his mouth slightly parted so that Batou's tongue could enter with ease. Something that had been so impulsive became something else and Batou felt something right about it for once. The way Togusa's **human** body was against his own felt so much better than the Major. _

_And that was just the start._

Sleep was something a cyborg could go without, just like eating. But it made Batou feel so much more normal and it had become a habit. Togusa would always fall asleep against him, and Batou always teased him about acting like a woman, even though it wasn't the truth. True, he was slightly more emotional than Batou, but Togusa was no female. He was much more volatile and had little to no patience on certain subjects. Batou already missed the way his hair felt on his artificial senses. Morning came quickly and Batou felt no reason to rise. What reason was there when he was dead? Shouldn't everything just stop and never continue again? The hound had stayed in the same position the entire night, for which he was grateful even if the one he wanted wasn't there any longer.

The outside world was waiting and he entered his car, alone for the first time in months. Had they not just celebrated one year without fuck ups? Without problems? He whispered an 'I'm sorry' to the quiet outside of his apartment building before entering his sleek vehicle and entering the highway. There was a coffee cup in the cup holder, and it was Togusa's. Batou threw it out the window as he turned at an intersection. He wondered what Togusa would say and muttered the words under his breath, "Littering, you're such a shit." with a shake of the head and smirk. Batou smiled briefly before it turned into a scowl, a grim, much moodier scowl.

There was no greeting with a familiar nickname attached to it this morning. There was only the Tachikoma with their high-pitched voices that grated on his nerves. They didn't understand the real meaning of death or emotions. They would never be able to feel love or devotion. Or grief and despair. Batou envied the Tachikoma as his favorite marched forward, the whining sound in its voice reminding him so much of why Togusa had disliked them. Mutely, the cyborg went through the motions and ignored the Tachikoma. The blue machines paused in its dictation of something that had gone on between it and another of the A.I.'s finally noticing Batou's lack of interest.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Batou?"

"No." His clipped tones signaled the opposite but the robot did not pick it up. "Everything's perfect."

"If you say so!" The Tachikoma moved its arms wildly. "See you later, Mr. Batou!"

Shaking his head, Batou headed towards the de-briefing room, knowing full well there wouldn't be any work done. Everyone of Section 9's members had been at the funeral the day before and even though they were missing on of their own, they were still obligated to come in. After all, crime didn't stop just because an officer died. Batou wished it were otherwise. The room was empty and Batou made his way towards the couch in the middle of the room just behind the glass table. He could see the place where Togusa used to stand, arms crossed over his chest and a neutral or upset expression on his face. Togusa had been the most opinionated of the members and that was probably why Major liked his attitude so much. Batou had not been very keen on working with him when he first came on the team but the Major had always put faith in Togusa's abilities, even when the young man doubted himself.

"What are you doing here, Batou?"

The very feminine voice of the Major carried over towards him at his place on the couch. He didn't turn to look at her but by the sound of her voice she was most likely frowning in that way of hers that he liked. His grim, frowning face didn't turn and he heard the sound of her booted feet coming towards him. Her lithe, _cybernetic_ body came into his view and he arched a white brow.

"What?!" exasperation colored his voice as he looked up into the purple eyes of the Major.

"Why are you here, Batou? You should be home."

His stern gaze was on her determined face and he sighed, wishing more than ever that he could roll the eyes he didn't have. Lips turned down in a permanent frown, Batou stood. "I'm here because its better than sulking in my misery. At least if I'm here, I can do something worthwhile."

"There's nothing to do here Batou, we don't have anything to work on."

"I don't care!" His voice rose an octave as he glowered at his superior. The female didn't flinch, didn't move just stared before turning away and walking from Batou's presence.

"Why don't you check Togusa's office?…We were planning on clearing it out but I wanted you to look into it first."

"_I'm not in love with the Major."_

_Togusa's accusing gaze burned into him and the almost-lie wasn't quite so convincing anymore. The brunet ran a hand through his hair and sighed. The defeated look made Batou feel more than guilty, more than anything. He hadn't thought that Togusa would find out. He had never though that Togusa would suspect their to be any relations done. It was a one night thing that come on at the spur of the moment without any thought of the consequences. But there was no excuse and Togusa's fallen face broke what was left of Batou's resolve._

"…_But I did sleep with her."_

_Togusa nodded slowly, and Batou noted that his eyes were dark and he didn't look like he had been sleeping well. Batou hadn't noticed whether he was sleeping because he had been too many days away from the apartment. He had been too many days away with the Major, trying for something that he didn't even know what it was. Togusa just smiled slightly, a sarcastic look on his tired face. Batou looked away, guilt eating his heart. _

"_At least you had the decency to tell me." Togusa sighed softly rubbing at a very dry eye with the palm of his hand. Yawning softly, he said no more on the matter and urged Batou into their room._

The walk to Togusa's office felt much too long. Long strides soon had him in front of the door and he opened it, almost wishing that the golden eyed man would push him up against the wall and take a stolen kiss. The desk seemed almost empty except for the hastily scribbled note saying he would be back later. There were pictures and files next to the note and Batou noticed the hard work he had done to get their case resolved. Batou felt like he was prying but continued, opening up a drawer containing files and more files. There was a note on the very bottom of the last drawer and he pulled it out staring at it as though the paper were something dead. It was a letter, addressed to him. It was a letter, it was a suicide note. Hidden beneath work and smiles, he had never thought that Togusa would ever do such a thing. He would never ever think he would see the man with a bullet through his head and blood sprayed out underneath his crumpled body. The note was simple and to the point. He glanced over it, not quite sure the words were sinking in.

"_You can't keep pretending there's nothing going on!" the yelling was coming from Togusa and directed at none of than the owner of their apartment. "Batou, what the hell are we doing?!" _

"_I'm sorry."_

"_I'm sorry?" Togusa stared at him in disbelief. "You fucked up and you're telling me 'I'm sorry' like that's going to resolve anything?"_

"_Togusa, you're the only one I care about."_

_Togusa sighed, stopping in his tirade. Smiling softly, sadly, he leaned against the larger man and shook his head. "Why?"_

"_I don't know."_

_There was a snort but the man was quiet. "We have to get back to work."_

Crumpling the paper easily in his large fist, Batou threw it away. He didn't need a reminder of his mistake. He didn't need to be reminded that he had betrayed Togusa's trust. There was nothing else f importance, only a few family photos and one of the two of them at some place with smiles on their faces. Batou's rare smiles had always given the younger man a lift. Batou left the small office and headed up to the roof, not bothering to go back to the Major to tell her that he had finished. She was the reason he was dead, she was the reason he was thinking about him instead of teasing him about something the smaller man had done.

_The quiet in the apartment hadn't been expected as he was sure that Togusa had come in earlier than he had._

Batou walked towards the edge quietly looking over the skyline that looked so plain to him now. The sun was just coming up over the edge of the buildings and he thought that maybe Togusa would make some cheesy remark about how nice it looked. It did, but he never voice it aloud. Crossing his arms over his chest he felt the wind blow stray strands of his hair from the small band tying his ponytail. A stray book lay on the floor beside his feet and he remembered it being the same one on Togusa's bookshelf. The same book used to take clues for the Laughing Man Case. He picked it up and wondered why the hell it was on the roof.

_Their were lights on but the door of the room was shut and the light was off in there. "Togusa?"_

He didn't have the greatest balance like the Major so he refrained from playing acrobatics at the edge of the roof. Glancing down at the book in his hands he let it drop to the crowds below. Batou didn't want to be here. Batou wanted to be with Togusa even though that was impossible. Batou sighed softly and stared up at the sky, wondering vaguely if there was somewhere he had gone. Somewhere he was feeling just a bit guilty about leaving Batou all alone.

_The light was on in the bathroom and he knocked before opening the door, a frown on his face and then ultimately numbing shock._

As Batou stared up at the sky, at the clouds moving past the blue sea, he whispered a quiet 'I'm sorry' to the invisible. If there were ghosts for cyborgs, were there ghosts for humans as well? He wasn't sure if he believed in that. He just wanted him to know that he was. And above all else…

_Kneeling beside the already cold body, Batou stared at the pills open on the ledge of the sink and just how empty it was. Looking back at Togusa he took the limp body of his beloved in his arms and whispered as many times as his voice would allow "I'm sorry."_

…he wondered if Togusa could forgive him for murder.


End file.
